Cogito, Ergo Sum

Rene Descartes's discourse lays the ground work for modern day philosophy. Given the sudden interest in the newly found "Quarter life crisis" mails that have started circulating around, I come across people all suddenly relating to it. Trying to find who they really are?

For a long time now I seem to have given up on discovering myself - introspection as is tough in itself, retrospection even more so. It feels like the conversations you had with friends just before the IIM interviews. Trying to desperately fill out those blank pages with 'about you' stuff, your strengths, weaknesses, skills etc etc etc. And I thought that SWAT analysis was something they taught you in a B-school. Yeah, Right !

So well, trying to answer the ultimate bore of a question - Who am I this time?

Am I the intellectual being; a fountainhead of obscure knowledge? Or am I the nitwit; dumb and inarticulate on issues that matter most. Am I the snob, with a swollen nose or am I the docile, cushioned with humility? Am I the obsessive, the compulsive, the disorderly? Or am I the logical, the reasoned, the guide? Am I the pillar of strength in times hard, or am I the emotional wreck? Am I the loud mouthed insensitive or the understanding sympathetic? Am I the mathematician or the poet? Am I a shadow of my previous ghosts or am I the light at the end of the tunnel?

I know not. Probably all rolled into one. A faucet with a million levers. I am who I am.

But well, as Descartes points out - "I think, therefore I am" - these days for me pretty much translates to "I think, therefore IIM" !!

I Moved Your Cheese ...

Journeys can get boring.
Solitary journeys even more so.
And those in a train, cooped for 24hours, definitely top that list.

So what does one do, apart from listening to the middle aged lady or the old gray haired guy next seat, who wants to ramble all the way and make small talk, and not let you rest in peace, till the time he/she breaks for the rest-room or till you do??

Well, one can either pretend to be deep asleep, with snoring adding to the effect. Or try and look deeply pensive while staring out of the window, looking at the open fields and rocks go past by (counting the number of telegraph poles on the way), as if the answer to the next noble prize winning problem would be striking you this instant.

Gen-X these days would generally plug in to their ipods or laptops (with the Indian Railways now offering charging plug points). For me, it is the usual old fashioned paper back edition of an obscure book. Probably more than one at a time.

This time around it was one of my most interesting reads in recent times. Barely a couple of hours long, less than 100 paged, "I Moved Your Cheese" by Darrel Bristow-Bovey. Its a deep upper cut jab into the jaws of Mr Spencer Johnson and his Self-help book "Who Moved my Cheese?". In-fact, the buck does not stop here. Bristow takes a shot at all self help books and makes you truly realize how good one is by being his lazy self.

A true sarcasm laced read, you tickle yourself to death with the witty humor Bristow uses to charm his audience. Right from African hunters to surly neighbors to Osmatix to the mystic Mayans (which by the way is the best part of book and takes the cake hands down), Bristow teaches you one golden rule - "Find your inner ostrich egg". Life is all about pretending. Its how good you get at the game. The egg is supposed to be your secret, meant to be guarded well. Reveal what is in the egg (or rather what is not), and you lose all your glamor and glory.

For those of you lucky enough to have read it, it is quite dangerous. You really do not wish to work more, shirk all labor and find the easiest way out. Advanced reactions to the book may cause you to become so adept, that it becomes a child's play for you to delegate responsibility and make others do your (dirty) work. Trust me when I say every word of it is true.

But for those of you who still wish to go ahead and try out the low-esteem self help books, please do go ahead. I am sure you would make at-least one person around you smirk (easy to say that this one person would be the one who has read this parody).

I am actually wondering had I read this book earlier, who knows; I would have got my promotions much more quickly than the current usual. Honestly, I am almost on the track laid out by this book. I think now at the Mecca of all MBA schools, it is time to put the practicality to the test. I know I am a bit apprehensive, but the intention is to go out all guns blazing. And what better way to aim at becoming the best of the best of the best.

As the old self-help proverb goes - "Hard work always counts".
We antithetical retards prefer saying - "It is not about how hard you work, it is all about how smart you work" !!

And so the next time my office mates find me with an open excel file, they rather not ask me if it is work that i am doing for Unite or United. Someone definitely moved my D's ...

Butt Branding !!!

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

-- Verbal Kint (in The Usual Suspects)

Oh well! That is something i learnt it the hard way around in the strife to reach the ultimate zenith of business schools.

As Kotler puts it so subtly - Good marketing is the art of the customer wanting to come to you and buy your product (whether it be his need or not), rather than you going out to the customer and selling what you make.

I think the same applies to the process of shortlisting B-Schools. Which is the best? What segment does each cater to? What is the profile of the student? Of the faculty? The USP and so on ...

Considering my 'infamous' decision (by many) last year to not join FMS, i think getting through a few colleges considered to be at a higher "brand value" this time around, makes me probably smirking enough at the critics. But critics being critics and what they are, they will not go without a jab at any opportunity.

And so it boils down to my decision to quit ISB and join IIM-A. I mean apart from the name, the reputation, the companies, the jobs.

"A" has been the benchmark for about 250,000 odd students all over India looking to become the top 250 managers in this country. Has it been by chance or is it because it was the only one in its time. With a boom of good B-schools around the country and abroad, with all the controversies surrounding the admissions process, most advised me that I was better off at ISB. I would be done over with it in an year, build great contacts, meet a profile like pot-pourri.

Truly said, the mails on the new IIMA yahoo group have been a disappointment. 19 girls in a batch of 250. Probably 70% engineers from an IIT/NSIT/DCE with only AOE and CS in their extra cirric section. And what happened to the leveraging your work-experience part? Only 80 freshers. I mean, why the hell am i joining A. I was better off at ISB where atleast my work-ex was valued and niche. Now its like a herd of cattle, all trying to get the greenest of pastures.

The second disaster probably seems to be the infrastructure at "A". Coming from a lavish treatment with my own room with an AC, a private TV, fridge and a kitchenette, I am beginning to wonder how life at "A" is suddenly going to become when i will be bringing my own pillows and linen. And strangely enough, there is no Wireless at "A". Atleast it wasn't till last year. Oh boy! What will life be without a wifi on campus. Running back to your nest cooing in the warmth of your lan cable. Disastrous.

And yet. And yet. I still decide to give up on all those rocking parties at ISB, the pool dunkings, the beer sessions with our profs in shorts and tees. Why!

I think for the first time, sanity refuses to lead the way. If only, i hope, i get the answer in a couple of years, it probably will be worth it.

So dear Mr. Kotler - your words do stand true. The butt branding continues. "A" doesnt reach out to us anymore, we do to it. Luckily, we can at-least keep chanting for the next two years - "Branded for LIFE"